People often ask me how I came to be a man of such discerning taste, so witty a conversationalist, such a wise and knowing confidante, so fearless a leader of men, such an astute and practical businessman, so tender a lover.

As a chef I will learn that while the eye may like what it has never seen, every other sense prefers the familiar.

As a potter I will learn the patience of the kiln, where things must burn if they are to endure.

I don't imagine you could purpose-build a more supremely ruminative environment than the humble shower. When there's a lot on your mind, your fingers can turn to prunes before you even realise you were supposed to soap up, nevermind the water restrictions.

I coded up a little tool for web designers. It's a bookmarklet/favelet that provides you with a 'height map view' of the page you're looking at—that is, more deeply nested elements are given a lighter background.

Eric A. Meyer: Too excellent! If you REALLY want to turn heads, you should have it say, "My Wiggles the Wonderworm rocks his world."

If I shared a podium with this woman, and if I was required to introduce her, I think all I would need say is that remarkable name. 'Ladies and gentlemen, Miranda! Airey! Branson!' And they wouldn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

Am I being excessively dramatic? Isn't it a fairly obscure unit of punctuation? Absolutely not. Go to your bookshelf, grab a book, and let it fall to a page. By my calculations, on a single page, you should find on average 1.83 of the precious little beasts.

There are gods and heavens to beseech, but wouldn't you just call me a fanatic.

I was perhaps thinking in this vein because tomorrow I do something that, in my childhood, I swore I would never do. I start a full time office job.

• grown up
• kicked the bucket
• written a novel
• swallowed my pride